Luke’s addiction started young – before I even knew there was a problem. On a family vacation to the Dominican, he was filling his water bottle with alcoholic drinks without me realizing. He was only 13 years old and what I thought was a fun, family time was the start of his addiction.

He was soon chasing the party lifestyle – every weekend drinking with a group of friends, feeling empowered by alcohol. He wasn’t just drinking; he was binging until he blacked out.

Luke dropped out of high school and got a roofing job. With regular income, he could now feed his addiction. He was drinking all the time, blacking out a lot more and getting in trouble with the law.

My personal relationships were suffering because of Luke’s drinking. I had a loving boyfriend who was my best friend and biggest supporter. He was beside me every step, doing whatever he could to support me. But, as you can imagine, Luke’s addiction was causing a lot of stress between us.

I began missing a lot of work. Luke would come home so intoxicated he couldn’t walk. I would sit on his bed the whole night to make sure he was OK.

He would beg me to get him help while intoxicated, but the moment he woke up, he would deny there was an issue and would be gone to start a whole new cycle of binge drinking.

I can’t count the times I would pull the car over and just cry. I would call into work “sick” because I couldn’t cope. I didn’t want to hear my co-workers talking about the great weekend they had with their children, while I didn’t know where my son was, or if he was even alive.

I used to drive up and down roads looking for him if I hadn’t heard from him for a few days. I literally jumped at every phone call or doorbell, always assuming I would be told he had overdosed.

I would log into his cell phone records and print hundreds of pages to see the last time he was active – just so I would know he was still alive. I would call some of the numbers to see if he would answer and then hang up.

I was becoming addicted to the addiction.

I blamed everyone for his addiction; his group of friends, his father for not having an active role in his life, his stepfather for walking away from him when he was 14, but more than anything; myself. I was his mother and should have been able to get him the help he needed. I was a nurse and cared for people all day and couldn’t even fix my own son.

Soon alcohol wasn’t enough. By the time he was 18, he was using cocaine regularly to minimize the blackouts. He was now partying for days at a time; often leaving on a Thursday night and stumbling back home Monday morning when everyone was leaving for work.

Watching your loved one struggle with addiction is absolutely heartbreaking. Their addiction slowly strips away their personality and their values. It completely changes who they are.

My kindhearted, hilarious boy was now angry and violent. He would yell, curse, punch holes in the wall and destroy things. The physical power he had while he was using was terrifying. I can’t count the times I had to call the police and have him removed. Child and Family Services became involved, and I was told Luke had to leave our home because it wasn’t a safe environment for my youngest son.

This was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. What if he overdosed? What if he had nowhere to go? No food to eat? The guilt I felt was unbelievable. I felt like the worst mother in the world.

The more Luke used, the more problems he had in his life. Due to his heavy drug use and week-long binges, mental health issues started popping up. My carefree, happy boy was now experiencing severe anxiety, depression and paranoia.

He tried detox numerous times. Every time, there would be a small sliver of hope that maybe this time would be successful, but he would always leave a few days later.

Following detox, he tried a local four-month inpatient recovery program. He seemed to be doing well but it was short-lived. Within a week of finishing, he was back to using. This time, everything seemed to happen much quicker: he started abusing almost anything he could get his hands on to get high. He was living to use and using to live.

The next few months were pure hell. He was hardly functioning. He was couch-hopping, never knowing where he would be sleeping or eating next. He was always begging for money for his addiction, making up stories about how the money was for something else. He was paranoid and irrational.

He was slowly killing himself – one day at a time. I would lie in bed at night unable to sleep and would play out in my head who I would have to call and what I would say to them when I got the call that he overdosed.

In August of 2023, Luke found himself broken and homeless with a crack-cocaine addiction. He was living in an old car he bought. One day he called me, begging for help. I could hardly make out what he was saying he was so high. I told him that he was going to die that day, if he didn’t get help. Thankfully he was scared so he got himself to the hospital and a few days later accepted a bed at detox.

After a few days, Luke was packing his bags to leave again, but one of the nurses convinced him to stay. What she didn’t know, was that she saved his life. He was contemplating suicide that night.

I won’t lie; I had little hope at this point. I assumed he would be out again in a few days and back on the streets looking for his next fix.

But he wasn’t. He completed a three-week inpatient program at the detox center. He seemed like he was ready to get help this time. But I knew he needed something longer for him to stay clean and sober.

One of the nurses at detox recommended Teen Challenge – a year-long, faith-based recovery program in New Brunswick. I researched it and ran the idea past Luke. I begged him – explaining that it would be a full year to worry about nothing but getting better. He shot it down instantly and hung up on me. Within 10 minutes, he called me back and said, “tell me more and I will think about it”.

Within a week, we completed the admission process and had a bed at Teen Challenge. We were both terrified as we had no idea what to expect, but we were greeted with smiling faces as soon as we pulled into the parking lot. Danny welcomed us with open arms, explaining everything and making the transition as smooth as possible.

Luke wasn’t raised with a faith background, so he had a hard time adjusting during the first few weeks. He called after a week of being there stating I had to pick him up because “all they do here is pray!” I refused to pick him up and told him he had to give this a chance.

Within a few weeks he was starting to form relationships with the staff and other clients and started to engage in the Bible studies but still wasn’t convinced there was a God. Then, one night in a prayer group, one of the guys asked Luke what they could pray for. At the time, Luke’s grandfather had been waiting three months for a double lung transplant. He had several disappointments with surgery being cancelled because the lungs were incompatible. So, Luke requested that they pray for his grandfather to receive a set of lungs. Within 24 hours of prayer, his grandfather had finally received new lungs!

This changed everything for Luke. He now was fully engaged and quickly turned into a true leader at Teen Challenge, often assisting other clients by explaining the Bible and encouraging them when they were going through difficult times. I would visit as much as I could, and every time I left, I was beaming because of the positive words the staff and other clients had shared with me about his leadership and personality. I was slowly getting my son back!

He wrote his personal testimony and spoke at churches about his experience. I would wake up in the morning and often have a text message with scripture, encouraging me to continue when I was going through difficult times.

While he was at Teen Challenge, I also started going to church. Luke and I started talking about the church services we each attended on Sunday as we both grew in our faith.

The staff at Teen Challenge truly care for their clients’ needs. They understand what they are going through and are compassionate. They helped Luke obtain his GED while he was there. Luke rebuilt relationships with his family, got back into running and the gym, made church a priority and got his life back.

That summer Luke was baptized and I don’t think I have ever seen him as proud as he was that evening! He graduated from Teen Challenge that fall and there wasn’t a dry eye in the audience.

After graduating, he now has a full-time job and is attending college to become an Addiction Counsellor. He is looking forward to helping people who feel stuck and to show them they can overcome obstacles. He attends church regularly. He has made strong friendships with people that have similar interests, who are also clean and sober.

He is always pushing himself to do better and is now chasing the highs in life instead of the highs of using. Not everything has been easy and new problems still arise, but we have put our faith in God, and we know it will be ok.

I encourage you to never give up on your loved one in addiction, no matter how bad things become, I never gave up fighting and encourage you to do the same.

Recovery is beautiful!